can i be tough?

mum told me during dinner time, dat jason n his family will be coming back tomolo evening...they finally back sdk, but, without tian around us anymore...d feeling of heart breaking come back to me so deep again now...i tought i m ok, i already accepted d truth, but deep down in my heart, i never let go at all...when i went to tian's wardrobe jus now, tears dropping down again, those happy memories again appear in front of my eyes, it jus like wat had happened yesterday..i wonder b4, n now again, how am i facing jason n his family? all i remembered is...jason n tian, they jus like twins...jason oways follow wat his brother do, but now, without him around, what wil he do? will he cry? when i look at him, will i cry? i reli dunno...i cant imagine d situation...mum said...she doesnt know how to face his mother n how his mother face my mum as well...yes, it is true...to us, thou tian not reli my bro, v have no blood relation at all, but he already is my little bro, my family, he jus like son of my mum, coz i oways tease mum dat, hey, ur big son..ur small son...means tian n jason...i reli dunno how they react tml when my dad n mum go to fetch them at airport..but 1 thing i can be sure, tears will drop...his mum, cant accept d truth tat tian is not around anymore, yes..not only her i think, anyone dat know tian, will feel d same too...coz, he reli such a wonderful kid...those days never exist anymore, try accept d truth? easy to say, hard to make it happen...everyone jus need time...i jus need more time!

i will miss you forever, i love u!

it was such a shock n heart break news when my mum told me about it...i never expected tat will be happened at all, not him, not now, not when he is not around us...he is such a cute, sweet n obedient little bro to me, i will never thought tat to be happened at all..30 Jan 2009...a date tat i will never forget, a cruel day tat God has taken u away from me, tian, my beloved little bro, i will miss you forever and i love u!
it has been 4 days after d news, today, i become more brave n happier a bit compare to 3 days ago...tears been dropping again n again when i think of tian...all those happy memories...i will never forget...he gave me so much all these years...yes...10 years already, he has been living n sharing all ups and downs with me n my family for 10 years already...i still remember his last conversation with me, when he was in kk airpoirt, waiting to leave for Sibu, he said...he wanna take his hot dog 1st, then he will call back again..he said goodbye to me, he said...goodbye 二美女...yes..he is a sweet kid..he always know how to tam me...all his little actions and little funny words, i still can remember...i remember he said when he come back from sarawak, he wanna watch his dvd dat my sis bought for him...but...he never will come back anymore...i cant control my tears from dropping down when i think of this...he will never come back again...i was wondering so many days...wat had happened to him...i do not know, n i scare to ask...coz i do not know i can bear the truth or not...he has gone...all i know is he will never sa jiao with me anymore...10 years...it has been such a long period...i still remember, i asked him once...wat will u do when u grow up? will u still remember me n my mum? he said...sure i will remember u all, i still wan to earn more money n support us, he meant a lot to my mum, my dad, my sis, my bro n me...tian...i love u!